Thursday, 15 September 2011

[HBBC:2] Forgive and Forget

Welcome to The Half-Baked Bloggers Consortium's (HBBC) second post. Meet the members here.
This week's topic is Forgive and Forget, chosen by Noor Al Zubaidy. Please, make sure to check the other member’s posts. You won’t be disappointed. ;)

Forgive and forget, two completely different acts?

Most people will tell you the two words are somehow interrelated.  Poeple can forgive, or better, some can forgive and forget. But can someone forget and not forgive? Only in cases of Alzheimer maybe? Lol!

I remember once reading my horoscope character traits and one of them was that I can forgive but I can never forget. I have this theory about horoscopes … meh. Never mind.
When it comes to the whole spectrum of human emotions, no exact human feeling is completely explicable.

“Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground filled with money. She takes the wallet to the address on the driver’s license but keeps the money inside the wallet.
Donnie:  I-I’m sorry Mrs. Farmer. I don’t get this.
Kitty Farmer: Just place an X on the Life Line in the appropriate place.
Donnie: No, I mean I know what to do, I just don’t get this. You can’t just lump things into two categories. Things aren’t that simple.
Kitty Farmer: The Life Line is divided that way.
Donnie: Life isn’t that simple. I mean who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love.
Kitty Farmer: Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions.
Donnie: Okay. But you’re not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can’t just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.“

So, what does this have to do with forgiveness? That’s exactly the point. Forgiveness is an emotion and human emotions can seem irrelevant, interrelated, disconnected and reticulated.

To forgive or not to forgive: that is the question. What exactly is forgiveness? An emotion of indefinite different feelings according to many different people having the choice of coursing different perspectives of this emotion.
Forgiveness for me is a matter of willingness to understand and a couple of other interrelated irrelevant emotions. Forgetfulness is one of them. But personally, I believe justice is the core of the whole spectrum of forgiveness as an emotion. Justice represented in the act of penance: confession, repentance and penalty. But again, not all situations are the same to even an individual human’s spectrum of emotions.
Allow me to elaborate why I believe justice is the core of forgiveness. I’ll illustrate two different personal experiences.

Example One: A dear friend’s parent died. I only knew a month later. None of my friends told me and I was outraged. I couldn’t look at that dear friend’s eye. I was very ashamed I was the last person to condolence her. Did I forgive my friends for not informing me about critical news like that?

Okay, so first, I was outraged! I was like how could you forget telling me something like that?! Grudge is not a bearable emotion to hold. All I needed was justice for an act of forgetfulness that caused me not to be with a friend in need. Willingness to understand; willingness to understand it was not intended and other friends’ willingness to understand why I was outraged. Penance; the act of showing they are sorry, even without pronouncement.

This is an incident between people having social interactions in a social situation. Forgetfulness could occur voluntarily or involuntarily .. doesn’t matter as long as it is not associated with the feeling of grudge.

Example Two: 30 years of repression, poverty and corruption. You know what I am getting at. No need for more explanation.

Did you feel the sorrow in that sentence? When justice is not served, the emotion of grudge develops to deep sorrow that could be later translated to vengeance.
In situations like this, forgiveness is not necessarily granted to the criminal. Here, forgiveness is translated into getting that sense of peace occurring due to justice. You will not forgive the past 30 years’ acts but you can move on. The sense of sorrow is gone.. you can finally forgive yourself for letting something like that happen. Forgiveness, here, is to let go of that sense of guilt and defeat.

To forget or not to forget doesn’t matter. As long as the taste of bitterness of sorrow is not felt, everything will be okay.

Human emotions are unwritten.. period.


  1. Perfect ending. Perfect examples. I truly felt it. Period.

  2. This was definitely worth the wait. I really like your view on the topic, quite different than what I perceived it.

    I agree with Neem's comment. Perfect. I loved the Donnie Darko quote. You're really good with tackling an issue, you give a refreshing point of view.

  3. very new perspective indeed :)