Friday, 21 December 2012

Shhhhh, Frank!

I know. I know. Just don't go off the deep end, okay? Remember, Frank. No expectations. No speculations. 

Concentrate on the uncluttered. Endorse my smile.  I need you to arise, Frank. No one else can heal my wounds.

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Sheesh, Frank!

What has got into me! No, no, really? I've always been messed up and everything but this is some other level of being messed up that I haven't experienced before! 

Egypt? The new career path? The divorce? The surprise? The yearning? The tiredness?  Am I growing up? I'm mentally and emotionally clueless and exhausted, Frank!

We need to set things clear, Frank. I can't stand this vagueness any more. Though I have to admit, Frank, it kinda feels good. Somehow. Frank.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012


Procrastination is an art; I'm the Donatello of procrastination. Two weeks and here I am with a presentation, assignment, studying and class preparation all due tomorrow. Oh, and here I am blogging again after two months to spice up the challenge. If I didn't know myself too well, I would have blamed the circumstances for the never-ending-messed-up mood swings and the agonizing mental and emotional suffering. Anyhow, who am I to complain?

Rifling through the old papers with the intention of plagiarizing anything in the way, I found it. The paper in your handwriting that I have always avoided in fear of consuming one of the very few remains of my good memories. Here it is in my hands again; addressed to me; To Ingy. Only God knows how much I hate it when people misspell my name, but you’re the exception. I put the paper back again; I don’t want to deplete the memories of it. All what you've taught me is carved deep in my being. My existence to you is null, but this is how I want it to be; for I will be owing each and every success in my life to your existence. I owe you a debt of a thousand light years of gratitude for all what you've done to me.

Time to stop reminiscing. I don’t deserve that pleasure of your memory.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

The Power of Appreciation

I stood there watching her. About 3 meters away, I caught her looking at the red rose in her hand and smiling. I couldn't help preventing the muscles of my mouth from stretching, revealing the row of metal wires and pieces clutched to my teeth in a mouth that looks more like a deserted construction area than a decent mouth.

The sight of her is blissful. The smile is so bright and sincere, it literally reflects the feeling within. Contagious. But this is not why i'm smiling. If she'd only realize that less than 3 meters away someone is watching and feeling exactly the same. The red rose is a gesture of appreciation. No, no one gave me a red rose as a earnest promise of eternal love or whatsoever. I've been appreciated. Not from a boyfriend, friend or whosoever; it doesn't matter who. I've been appreciated. Not in the same sense but in the same sensibility.  My efforts have been acknowledged and I'm appreciated; and it feels incredible. The feeling is as radiant as the smile on her face. If only our eyes can meet, I would tell her that I've received a gesture of appreciation just like the rose her fingers are holding so dearly.

I can see her calling on that huckster, buying that shoddy pack of plastic sheets that are of no particular use. Her smile now has transformed into a cute chuckle engaging in a short conversation with the huckster. Yeah, I know that feeling too. I look into my hand to find that condemning big pack of marshmallows half-empty. I don't even like marshmallows that much! One of the drawbacks of the emotions induced is that it causes an urge to spend money on useless things (No offence intended, marshmallow lovers!). 

I follow her with my eyes as she blends into the crowd. The face of the girl starts fading away from my memory. But the power of her smile is still lingering in my being. The memory of that day, at that place, of us  sharing the same feeling of gratitude towards the person who cared enough to gesture appreciation will remain, forever.

I thank the person who drew that radiant smile on your face. I thank God for bringing us together to share that feeling and to make me realize how blessed I am I had the chance to do something and be appreciated for.

Appreciation is such a lovely word .. and gesture. I hope the notes I left you would fit in as a gesture of appreciation for all what you've done for me .. and for your appreciation. Thank you.

by *CozyComfyCouch

Friday, 20 July 2012

An Insight into Ramadan


Stretching on my bed with Ma’amoun on my lap -- Ma'amoun is my former colleague’s laptop that I’m using because I’m too lazy to transfer all work stuff to mine: Sa3doun –

Friday is usually my day off people. Yeah, people. Y’know these creatures that are up to no good other than blabbing their hearts out and making each other’s lives miserable? Not today though, it’s the first day of Ramadan; a divine day for socializing with fellow human creatures. Meh.

High air-conditioning. My God, how am I going to survive this heat without a drop of water!  A perfect day for procrastination. It's less than 6 weeks now and i'm leaving my job. The amount of work I’ve got to finish is mind startling.

With the first signal of headache reaching my brain neurons, I’m thinking about the feast waiting for us in a couple of hours. With the new jaw device installed in my mouth, I can’t really chew or eat. Great, the only joy I get from family gatherings is the food. Now, I’ll have to tolerate all the loud voices and the curdling around tee-fee witnessing the worst forms of financial and mental waste.

Fatafeat as a background noise. That dish that Jamie just put up looks divine, yum. I begin to bitch about how I'm going to survive Ramadan this year: the heat, the 4-hour daily dose of traffic, the dehydration, work and people’s talzee2.


Procrastination taking over. I’m not going to get anything done, I know. I start to google ways for surviving Ramadan in the heat. You should never really search for Islamic topics in English. Uhmmm, people wondering how Muslim morons celebrate the month of irregular eating and dehydration every year thinking it's good for their health. The amount of creativity and thought put into making fun of fellow human creatures is just amazing.

More fidgeting. I gotta focus.  I gotta get some load off! C’mon!  Ramadan is going to be the toughest this year pour moi. I must take some days off. Argh! I won't be able to survive.


Ya Allah give me the strength to hold on!  Hold on what.. Strength?

Flash backs.  Ramadan Gana w frehna boh; festive songs? Madfa3 el iftar; festive features? Feasts on the table every day; compensation? Family gatherings all month long; some sort of emotional deprivation? Humongous amounts of media shows, less working hours, fawanees, overwhelming greetings .. Hold on .. What are people trying to compensate for? Why so different?

I’ve been raised my entire life believing that Ramadan was all about feeling for the poor. Their deprivation; their suffering. That’s what they taught us at school. Plus the fact that women could support their families by selling homemade jams and pickles. Anyway, the taught us that it’s all about giving. But who said sustenance was the only kind of suffering the poor experience. Plus, the poor and deprived suffer for days not just a couple of hours every day for only a month.

Yeah, some say it’s about the spiritual environment and the fact that thawab is a multiple folds more in this month. But isn’t spirituality all about finding a connection between you and God? I mean God is there forever and He’s reachable all year long; it’s really about you realizing His existence and desire to reach out to Him.

It’s an opportunity to get soaked with rahma and maghfira to compensate for the rest of the year.  Yeah, yeah, okay, I know all about that and how awesome Ramadan is and everything but there is still something more deeper, more divine into it.

If it were about the food and drink and intimate relationships; dieting is also a form of deprivation that you could feel the poor’s suffering through every single extra calorie you’re trying to get rid of. Maybe even harsher because you had a hand in the situation you’ve reached (I’m talking about the feeling not the concept).

People live 25+ years without any physical intercourse and are perfectly fine. Some even spend their whole lives and I can’t really say that they’re deprived or something essential is missing in their lives.

If it were about avoiding obscenity; then why don’t we dig up for the roots that cause people to curse and bring out the beast inside of each other? In a country like Egypt, I would consider suppressing the urge to extract the guts of someone a heroic deed that one should be rewarded on. But in some countries, obscenity is not a challenge you have to avoid in one certain interval of time.  
Good deeds. Yep! Ramadan is an open invitation for thawab and good deeds. But couldn’t opening up a special month for good deeds fire back? I mean people wait for Ramadan to do all their share of good deeds for the year. What about the rest of the year? But you know what, one month is better than no month at all.

Still, there’s Zakah that Muslims have to pay, which happens to be also a fard. And Allah awards tenfold a good deed any time of the year. Allah is always extra-gracious. Restricting good acts to Ramadan is unfair. Period.

I think there is a more profound insight into the idea of Ramadan. Like why is it a whole month? A lunar month? A month of deprivation?

Taking into consideration an average life span of a human being, one will witness at least 1 Ramadan in all seasons. Have you ever thought about it?Ya Allah, what message are You trying to convey here?

Research says that a human being needs about 3 weeks to cultivate a habit. We’re just too ignorant to take advantage of such a chance. We deal with Ramadan as a fact not an opportunity. A fard not a turning point.

He is the most knowledgeable about human nature that He actually tailored a month that would fit all human beings. Ramadan is tailored to make you a stronger human being.

If you’re a wealthy brat all year long, deprivation of basic sustenance is the challenge that will make you stronger. If you’re a busy folk, the thawab for qiyam is just too awesome to be missed. Foul mouths and aggressive cuckoo heads are put under the test here too.  We’re all being under extra pressure here in Ramadan. That’s why the reward is higher than ordinary.

Ramadan has always been the golden chance to discover your deficiencies before being an opportunity to race for thawab and repentance. Every Ramadan adds to the Ramadan before it. At first, the challenge is the deprivation of sustenance. You get used to it. Then comes the challenge to keep up with the qiyam.. the volunteering.. etc.. Taking into consideration that the level of each challenge changes every year. Whether it’s the weather, your social state, health state, financial state, etc..

And this is pretty much life. God doesn’t put you through something unless He knows you can pull through. Your life would be much easier if you realized this fact and acted accordingly.

SubhanAllah, this Ramadan is the first ever that I truly consider a challenge. I’m a big meh-meh and tend to be over dramatic and intolerant when it comes to summer. Allah is challenging my tolerance. I got to admit it, this is going to be very tough and there is absolutely nothing celebrative about it. Ya Rab.

Friday, 29 June 2012


Dear Frank,

Don't get too attached to people. One day their expectations will hurt you. Standardize your emotions.

It's all temporary .. All is temporary. All except you, Frank. 

We'll heal together, Frank. Together.

Thursday, 10 May 2012


The sight of some people just cause instant wondering..

يبدأ عقلك يودي ويجيب .. يبرره .. يستنكره.. ينكره..

 لفيت كتير خفت المصير اللي انتهاله ناس كتير ..ألقاه أنا

إزاي عياله سايبنه كده؟ ده لو أبويا مكنتش سيبته كده!

في الدنيا ليه .. دايما نهاية محزنة

يمكن معندوش عيال؟ طب ايه ملوش أهل؟

 جوايا خوف من كلمة الظروف .. تبقى طريق للوحدة تذلنا

وحيد؟ طب ايه خلاه وحيد؟

يوم ماروح والدنيا تداريني والوحدة تناديني ..

مش متجوز؟ ملوش إخوات؟ أولاد إخوات؟ ولاد خالات؟ ولاد أعمام؟ أقارب؟

 زروني مرة كل عيد .. أشفكم حتى من بعيد

ماتوا كلهم؟

خايف أكون في الدنيا وحيد ..

في حد كده في الدنيا مقطوع من شجرة؟ 

عمري يهون أضيع وانتم بعيد ..

طب هو ربنا عمل فيه كده ليه؟

الأيام زي امتحان .. والنتايج بالميزان

أكيد عمل حاجة وبتتردله .. أكيد فيه حاجة حصلت ..

 كل واحد ليه ميعاد .. لمّا بيؤن الأوان

يا سيدي واحنا مالنا .. ربنا يستر علينا ..

دي الحياة داين تدان ..

أنا مش هاسمح انه حاجة زي دي تحصلي .. أكيد مش هابقى كده .. 

وقولي له محال الحال يدوم .. لو هو ايه ..

أنا مش عارف ايه حصل .. 

..Send away for a perfect world

كل اللي عارفه انه في شنطة في ايدي .. فيها حاجات .. لازم أوصل ..

One not simply .. so absurd

أنا مش فاكر ازاي ده حصل ..

.. What ever happened to the young man's heart

أنا لازم أوصل .. لازم أوصل

Swallowed by pain .. as he slowly fell apart

كل اللي فاكره اني مكنتش كده .. وعمري ما فكرت اني هابقى كده .. 

..No real reason to accept the way things have changed

لازم أدور في عيون اللي حواليا .. نظرة حنية .. 

There's a piece of a puzzle known as life

نظرة شفقة .. نظرة استنكار .. كلهم بيوجعوا

Wrapped in guilt .. sealed up tight

إيد اتمدت .. ماعنديش الاختيار اني ارفضها ..

Everyone's pointing their fingers .. always condemning me

هاقبل اني أعيش نظرة شفقة في عيون كل ايد بتتمدلي .. لازم أوصل

..Nobody knows what I believe
..I believe

I can see white foam coming out his mouth ... muscle spasms .. Is he okay? He's walking away .. Does he know where he's going? Is he aware of the surroundings?

It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed ..

A pale smile .. I walk away ..

And more than ever .. I hope to never fall .. where enough is not the same it was before ..

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Frank, I feel like collecting my things and leaving.. never coming back again.
You know I'm not a drama fan but for the first time ever my heart has emotionally drowned out.

Give me the peace of your mind, Frank. I have to endure my emotions, Frank. Inject me with your numbness.. Your peace.. I want a truce, Frank ... A truce.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

Self - loath .. unbearable. Spirit lost .. undefined.

I've been exerting too much negative energy on people, Frank. My life is turning into a series of chained failures, Frank.

Give me the peace of your mind. I want the bliss in your mind. Frank, please.